Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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