yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Randomize
