he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
