His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
