My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
