Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
