yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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