you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize