So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
