Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
