to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
