Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
