Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize