Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
