On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
