She's JV to your varsity
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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