I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
