i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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