I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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