k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
