The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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