Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
