It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
