I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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