maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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