Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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