I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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