Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
soo... how was my night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
