Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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