I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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