im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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