I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
