Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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