u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
