You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
