You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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