Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
