she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
