im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
