i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just cropdusted the office
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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