We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
