is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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