You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
