So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
soo... how was my night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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