Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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