am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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