Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found puke in my bra..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
