Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
