i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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