I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
