i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
