got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
