Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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