just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize