is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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