just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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