I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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