What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
