How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
