When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
