I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
