Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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