and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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