She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
