we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
